Communication skills – listening, questioning and the wise use of silence

As the mentoring relationship begins, the learning environment is largely created by the mentor. 

The mentor becomes a role model and can set the style of communication as well as provide a permissive atmosphere where the mentee can feel less constrained.

Being a sounding board for ideas and a reality check for plans

This includes the ability to look beneath the surface for hidden potential.  Mentors can step back and look at issues from a broader perspective and share knowledge based on their own prior experiences. 

Providing feedback, suggestions and options

Mentees tell us they do want mentors to tell them what is wrong as well as what is right about their behaviours and attitudes. 

Mentees are quite capable of withstanding constructive feedback especially with mentee training and agreement at the beginning of the mentoring relationship.

Feedback should give concrete examples, be constructive and help the mentee think though alternatives to unproductive behaviours.

Giving guidance without being directive

Mentors may well have the answers to the problems the mentee may bring for discussion. 

Too often we are tempted to say “Let me just show you how to do that!” when we should be asking “What do you think you should do next?”

Mentees as a developmental step must discover the solutions themselves with guidance and support.

Time and willingness to contribute

A good mentor is someone who enjoys interacting and is willing to work at their relationships.

Confidentiality, respecting personal privacy

A mentor has a responsibility to maintain confidentiality between themselves and the mentee. 

Mentoring is not necessarily the foundation for building a friendship. As a mentor you will need to be clear on how much information you are willing to disclose. Being too open too quickly can be as disconcerting to the mentee as not opening up at all.

Provides guidance in relation to politics and rules

The mentor can help the mentee understand the organisation’s goals and its values.  The mentee can then define and align personal goal with organisational goals.

They can also help the mentee understand ground rules and navigate organisational politics.

Promotes self confidence
Demonstrates trust

The mentor assists the mentee to develop a deeper level of relationship through sharing vulnerabilities and concerns.

Respect for self and others

The amount of respect shown by the mentor to the mentee will be reciprocated by the mentee. Without high levels of mutual respect the mentoring relationship will be diminished.

Analytical skills to help the mentee think through

Mentees need to figure things out so they can apply what they learn to other situations when they are on their own.

Developmentally minded

Mentors can be immensely helpful in assisting the mentee to sort out their needs, interests, concerns and expectations with regard to their current job and future career plans.

Encourages the mentee

This includes building confidence, urging the mentee forward, providing methods to improve performance and providing challenging and stretching activities to move mentees out of their comfort zone.

Sensitive to the needs of others

This means the ability to give feedback at the right time and for the right reasons. 

Mentors need to examine their own strategies for working within a mentoring relationship, define their own goals and make a determination as to the appropriate times for appropriate information to be given to the mentee.

Recognises and acknowledges the mentee’s potential

Many of us don’t recognise our own potential. Mentors are often more aware of how the mentee’s potential could be developed in diverse areas in the organisation.

Negotiating Skills

Establishing the ground rules for working with someone in a mentoring relationship.

Decision Making Skills

Getting agreement on a course of action and follow through. Encouraging the mentee to take responsibility for outcomes.